New Year’s Eve
This incredibly original and amazing movie title goes well with this incredibly original and amazing plot! I can tell the writers worked hard on this script, too:
“ONE NIGHT CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING!”
“AND THIS IS NOT A TRAINING BRA, MOM!”
“AND THIS IS NOT GIRLS GONE WILD!”
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope (times infinity).
Human Centipede 2 – Full Sequence
OK. Well, that was interesting. When I watched the previous teaser, I was all “ewwwww” now I’m all “hahahahah what?” This movie looks super gross AND super hilarious AND super stupid AND super not for me. Next!
John Dies At The End
Gee, thanks for spoiling the end for me just by reading the movie title, unless they pull a crazy twist and have John ACTUALLY survive?! Wouldn’t THAT be something!? Anyway, I’m all for originality in the film industry, but man, the acting looks on par with a high school play. Seriously, it seems that bad. I also have no idea what this movie is about or what they are trying to do here. Maybe I’m just not hipster enough to understand these things.
Miracles come in sizes now? COOL. As much as I like John Krasinski, he just seems to be playing his character from The Office only as a news reporter, which is very weird and very unconvincing. Anyway, not for me.
Duct tape masks? Haha. That’s gonna hurt coming off! I like Mark Wahlberg in action movies, so I might check this out. Could be good, could be bad. Let’s find out!
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Maybe it’s because I haven’t had my coffee yet, but that kid really annoyed the hell out of me. Anyway, this film looks way too cheesy to be good. Some stories should just remain inside a book, OK Hollywood? Watch you swim in piles of money and go fuck myself, you say? FINE. I’M LEAVING.
Paranormal Activity 3
OK. I really enjoyed these movies. I know they are definitely not for everyone, but for some reason, these types of films really freak me the hell out. I will be seeing this film in theatres and I will be crapping my pants. Remind me to bring a fresh pair the night before, OK, guys?